The Law of Giving
Preparing the Mind Before Teaching the Lesson
Have you allowed a student to frustrate you – to rent space in your head? When was the last time you invested a significant amount of time and energy into preparing and delivering a lesson only to have some students show apathy, disrespect, or belligerence? This situation has happened to every teacher. Our first thought is usually, “that student is so ungrateful, and so entitled.” Or, we might personalize our thoughts by saying, “well if that was my child, you can bet that he would never do such a thing.”
Randy was one of those students who eagerly shared his opinions, particularly when no one had asked for them. He was unusually quiet one day so I invited him into the class discussion on the internal conflict of the main character in the short story we were studying. “Randy, would you like to share your thoughts on the character’s conflict?” Following a pause, he looked up from staring at his desk and said, “Mr. Stewart, I ain’t here today so don’t even think I’m interested in this stupid story.” I simply nodded and continued the lesson. When the class period ended, Randy remained at his desk until the other students had left. “Do you know what that teacher told me. And you know the person I’m talking about. She told me and don’t repeat this, she said, ‘Randy, if you gain any more weight, you’re gonna’ need a training bra.’ Mr. Stewart, that one hurt. I ain’t lying.”
While I was teaching a lesson about a character's internal conflict, I had nearly overlooked the very real conflict unfolding in the life of one of my students. I have often reflected on that conversation with Randy. I offered him a moment of understanding, but he gave me something equally valuable: a reminder that the behavior we see in our classrooms seldom tells the whole story.
The philosophy of restorative practices reminds us that relationships are not built upon what we expect to receive from students, but upon what we are willing to invest in them. A student who responds with indifference or disrespect may be communicating something far more important than an unwillingness to learn. Our willingness to respond with patience, curiosity, and compassion may be the first step toward understanding the student's behavior.
If this has happened to you, ask yourself the following questions:
“Did I remain in the present moment during the entire lesson?”
“Did I demonstrate respect and kindness with all students?”
“Do I hold a grudge with some students when they are disrespectful?”
“Did I respond to the student's behavior, or did I pause to consider what might be causing it?”
Here’s some advice that really helped me. It’s very likely you have learned the axiom, “Failure to plan is planning to fail.” I planned lessons meticulously to be certain that I could keep my students highly engaged for the duration of the class period. However, I learned very quickly that I must also prepare my mind – to establish the best mindset prior to beginning each day and each lesson. By consciously repeating affirmations to myself, I was able to shift my perspective. Preparing my mind became as important as preparing my lessons. My attitude, emotional presence, and willingness to respond with compassion were just as essential as my instructional methods and strategies. I utilized the following self-affirmations:
I will practice the Law of Giving this day – I will freely share joy, kindness, and encouragement with my students, without expecting anything in return.
I will stay in the present so that I can be as attentive as possible to all students.
I will freely share a smile and my enthusiasm for learning, recognizing that even a small gesture of kindness may make a difference in a student's day.
I will detach myself from the outcome of today’s lessons.
Being detached from the outcome means that I will freely accept the present moment for what it is. If a student is having a difficult day, I will respond with patience and kindness, recognizing that the student's struggle may be an opportunity for understanding, connection, and growth.
Detachment does not mean abandoning expectations, accepting inappropriate behavior, or becoming indifferent to student achievement. Rather, it means refusing to allow an unexpected response or disappointing outcome to determine our emotional state or diminish our commitment to the student.
When we release the need to control every response, we become more attentive to our students. At the conclusion of the lesson, or during a quiet moment later in the day, we can reflect not only on what students learned but also on how we responded to their social, emotional, and academic needs.
We cannot control what every student brings into our classrooms, nor can we determine how every student will respond to our efforts. But we can choose what we bring to them. Each day offers another opportunity to give kindness, attention, encouragement, and understanding. And sometimes, what we give so freely becomes the very thing a student remembers long after leaving our classroom.
For Randy, it was a simple nod of understanding.